gray bagels!? Satire on rainbow bagels

What would compel me to make such an ugly bagel? First, I'm sick of seeing rainbow bagels all over my Instagram feed, so this my satire on that trend- they are 6 shades of gray- fog, ash, slate, stone, taupe, and gun metal. And yes, gray food coloring is such a thing- here's a HELPFUL LINK:

https://www.amazon.com/Nifty-Shades-Gray-Food-Color/dp/B01DEEEFL8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1468787557&sr=8-1&

Odds are this video won't go viral. :(

It's basically a plain bagel colored gray even though when I showed my boss at my day job the bagel, she said it looked like a blueberry bagel.

You can't have rainbow bagels without birthday cake cream cheese. Conversely, you can't have gray bagels without plain cream cheese(again the satire)!

Shoutout to YoYoMax12 for providing the inspiration for this recipe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-GznMkRG_w

Makes 8 bagels

You will need:

For the cooking equipment:

Gloves to protect your hands from being stained
A large bowl
A baking sheet
A kitchen towel
Nonstick cooking spray
A large saucepot
Tongs
Spatula

For the bagels:

1 1/2 cups of warm water
2 packets of active dry yeast
1 tbsp. of light brown sugar
4 cups of all-purpose flour plus more flour to flour your surface
2 tsp. of salt
Gray food coloring(see helpful link)- The Anti-Rainbow: Fog, Ash, Slate, Stone, Taupe, and Gun Metal
2 tbsp. of light brown sugar
Water to boil the bagels
Plain cream cheese to top the bagels

1. Put the first 3 ingredients into a large bowl.
2. Proof the yeast for 5 minutes or until the yeast is slightly foamy, which basically means DO NOT STIR THE MIXTURE! Just let the yeast do its thing and feed on the brown sugar.
3. Add the flour and salt into the large bowl. Mix all the ingredients together until you get a dough ball. If you need to, scrape the flour on the outside of the bowl into the dough ball.
4. Flour your dry countertop surface and place the dough ball onto your countertop. Knead the dough until there are no more lumps, which could take 5-10 minutes.
5. Divide the dough into 6 pieces by either cutting the dough in half and then in thirds, or vice versa.
6. Starting with the lightest shade, which is fog, place 3 drops of food coloring onto each piece. Then knead the color into the dough until the color of the dough is whatever shade of gray you're using. Tip: If you see any white spots, fold it into the colored dough and knead. Repeat this process for all 6 dough balls.
7. Place parchment paper onto a baking tray. Put all 6 colored dough balls onto the parchment paper. Let the dough balls rise on a warm surface for 45 minutes, or until the dough balls have doubled in size.
8. Flatten the dough balls with your hands, starting with the fog-colored dough ball.
9. Stack the flattened dough balls in the order of the anti-rainbow, then shape the stacked dough into a rectangle shape.
10. Put the stacked dough onto a fresh piece of parchment paper on the baking tray. Cover the stacked dough with a kitchen towel and let the dough rise on a warm surface for an additional 30 minutes.
11. Cut the dough horizontally into 8-10 pieces.
12. Flatten each cut out piece, then form it into a cylinder shape.
13. Twist the dough into a circular bagel shape.
14. Repeat steps 12 and 13 for the rest of the dough.
15. Boil water in a large saucepot. Once the water is boiling, put 2 tbsp. of light brown sugar into the boiling water. This will turn the water a yellowish-brown color, which is normal.
16. Put 2 bagels at a time into the boiling water. Let the bagels cook for 2 minutes before turning them over.
17. Turn the bagels over using tongs and let them cook for an additional minute on the other side.
18. Take the bagels out using a spatula.
19. Repeat steps 16-18 for all of the bagels.
20. Spray a baking sheet with nonstick cooking spray. Put all of the bagels onto the baking tray.
21. Bake the bagels in a 425 degree Fahrenheit oven for 20-25 minutes.
22. After the bagels are done baking, let them rest at room temperature for 10-15 minutes before cutting them in half and putting plain cream cheese on them.
23. Bon appetit!